Mama Char's Words of Wisdom

Ok...I have to admit, I hear Tina Turner in my ear singing "What's love got to do with it"...and I say...EVERYTHING!

Of course, I am basing this on my 42 year marriage and 2 month courtship back in 1970.  If it had not been for love, we would not have made it for 42 years...good and bad!  Throw in the boys being born 10.5 months apart (yep, don't believe a doc if they say you can't get pregnant if you are breast feeding...lies, all lies), struggling financially, my hubby being one of those people plagued with one incident after another...whether accident or illness...we had our trials for sure BUT there were triumphs, as well.

We were unevenly matched, a Virgo and and Aquarian (astrologically impossible to fall and stay in love)...I was the talker, he was the thinker.  Having two kids by the time I was 21, learning how to be a wife and a mother was a feat, to say the least.  But I couldn't have asked for a better companion that loved me unconditionally.  Always saying YES, even when he should have said NO.  

Now in my 6th decade of life, widowed, I reflect back over the tough times and know within my heart of hearts that without our love, one for another, we wouldn't have made it.  Struggled financially, at times working two jobs just to make ends meet, there was always a common denominator...LOVE!  We played hard and we loved hard.  Were there times where we looked in the mirror and asked "what am I doing here?"...of course there were.  But I can tell you honestly and candidly, the answer was always the same "because I love him/her".  

In my humble opinion, partners today just seem to throw in the towel way too soon.  Once the struggles begin, and there are always struggles...I mean you love one another but you're not the same person, think differently, feel differently, have different desires and soul purpose...society has said it's okay to leave.  "You deserve better" but is there better?  Recently on social media, I read a post about "the grass is always greener where you water it" but let's not forget the fertilizer y'all!  If you know anything about gardening, in order for abundant growth, sunshine and water doesn't always cut need some crap too!  That's what makes it srong, vibrant and GROW!

We get so caught up in the roller coaster of life...being jerked around by the crazy twists, fighting for breath as things spiral downward...we forget the upside.  And there is ALWAYS an upside on a roller coaster!  Taking time to laugh during the difficult times and remembering the times when things were going well, is a lost art but the most important time in a relationship.  Sitting down on a blanket in the middle of the floor and remembering when you first partnered and fought over such trivial things as leaving the cap off the toothpaste, somehow takes the sting out of being overwhelmed in present day situation.  Recognizing all the trials you've been through can be a catalyst for your success today...if you give notice.  Now, please do not misconstrue my point...I am not saying to bring up the past in order to start an argument.  NOPE, NOPE, NOPE...not what I am saying because I am a big believer that if God had meant for us to focus on our past, HE would have put eyes in the back of our heads.  What I am saying, however, is that reflection of how far you've come should be the stepping stones of where you are headed.

I am a strong believer in the "T" concept...taking a piece of paper and dividing it down the middle and across the top in the shape of a "T".  Pros on one side and cons on the other is a great way to remind yourself of the reason you fell in love with your partner in the beginning.  And, of course, we all change as we mature (or not) and if the cons really, really outweigh the pros...a decision needs to be made.  Do I fight for the relationship or do I leave?  Truth and honesty within oneself while making the "T" is the hardest issue.

So when you feel like leaving, cheating...not loving your partner...ask yourself...if they were to die tomorrow how would I feel?